6 & still ...

NOT POTTY TRAINED ! I get it Rylee has some special needs but we never ever ever imagined she would still be in diapers once she turned 6. She will from time to time with much pushing go on the potty. But it never occurs to her on her own that maybe she should get up instead of soaking the desk chair as she did this morning! I know she was embarrassed & I try not to make her feel bad but i also want her to know that i am disappointed. But i also try to build her up allowing her to know i believe in her and know that she is capable of making this big step! Ive read so many books, on Asperger's, Sensory Processing, Anxiety ect. and ive yet to come across anything that can help in this area.

why wont the wall come down!

No weight loss yet, but only I am to blame. I have everything i need at my finger tips, i have a treadmill, a bike, weights, videos, etc. Yet Im not pushing myself. And i just dont know why. Because my hearts screams that i WANT this change but yet here i sit with a major wall built around me !

tears in my rear view mirror.. maybe that could be taylor swifts new song.. We are less than 8 weeks away to Rylee finishing up her Kindergarten year. And she has been very successful , but she has one big hang up. Getting herself out of the car & into the building. So most days their is an assigned adult to help Rylee get out of the car and into the building and on to class. Weve been trying to build up her confidence so that she knows she can do this all on her own just like the other kids. And today when i pulled up in front of the school and didnt see that "assigned person" i tried to pep talk her into doing this all by herself! She did open the door and step out, but began sobbing immediately as her feet hit the side walk. I felt awful , I try to be so positive with words of encouragement all the while i know i need to go on because there are tons of cars behind me waiting to pull up. Thankfully someone finally did come and shut my car door and got her inside. But its so incredibly painful to drive away watching ur child cry! I see some cars zoom around me in frustration of taking so long, but i wish those parents would for one second understand what im dealing with..

counting calories !

kinda feel like this is some for of punishment ha, but it must be done. Im trying to be more aware of the foods i eat, and how good or bad they are for me. I feel i need to understand the science of it all before any weight will actually come off. I am never going to give up all of my fav. foods, so to Jillian Michaels im sorry but a plate of lettuce and salmon just wont do ! Im finding the hardest time for me to cut back is at dinner. I enjoy large dinners, especially once my kids have gone to bed and i can truly enjoy a meal in peace. I know your not suppose to eat in front of the tv, but thats me moment. Still trying to find the "right" moments to get in a good workout. Life always seems to be getting in the way!

Join me wont u...

On my weight loss journey ! Ive been struggling for almost 2 yrs now to get off the weight i gained during my second pregnancy. Ive allowed life's daily struggles to get in my way, but today im deciding its ooober important to Love Me !! So I will not gorge myself on sweets & wine, i will not put the kids to bed only to make a huge bowl of pasta and veg on the couch. I will make healthier choices, i will make time to exercise and make my body not only look better but feel better!

I am currently 171 pounds, at only 5'2 thats alot on my small frame! My goal is to get to 135, before my 30th birthday at the end of Dec. Any one with advice, or just simply words of encouragement id love to hear it :)

One day closer to the looney bin...

Some days i dont feel cut out for this job. You cant just be mom, you have to be Super Mom. And well some days just arent so super.

I woke up for the 4th or 5th day in a row with my eyes sealed shut with goop ! I started over the counter pink eye drops thought it would have helped but i guess not. I havent washed my hair in 5 days YUCK! I have at least 4 loads of laundry to do, clean dishes in the washer and two sinks full of dirty. Ive got an 18 month old who is well continuously pissy no matter what i do, toys, cartoons, popsicles, etc. And a Kindergartener who cried her way into staying home today! Ive got a dog who pooped in the playrm, shredded most of my bathrm trash, & keeps chasing the kitten. Ive got a husband with a big test today that i couldnt give a proper "Good Luck" to this morning, because i was already frazzled !

Hoping to get my "Super" back tomorrow , and if not , well thats just another day closer to the looney bin, i hear they have jello, i like jello...

How we came to be .....

...The Hodge Fab Four as a friend so lovingly calls us ;). Lets see if i can keep this short.

Boy meets Girl :

waaaaaay back in good ol 2003 sept. to be exact, a good friend of mine was moving away, & she was having a party to celebrate her departure. I certainly wasnt going in hopes of meeting anyone, i actually had a date but he bailed on me .. Enjoying the night, drinking and dancing, in walks in my middle school crush ( we were band geeks together) !!! Of course i blurted out a slurred "hey i know u". He just so happen to be a friend of a friend who got brought along to this party, & he was only in town one more night before returning to CA. He had just returned from his first tour of duty. I was hook line & sinker at that point, always did have a thing for guys in uniform!! We spent the whole night talking till the wee morning hrs before he had to leave for his flight! I thought well that was nice, but ill probably never see him again! In the following weeks, we spent every free moment we had on the phone with each other, near the end of Oct the Marine Corps Ball was coming up & he flew me out to CA to go with him ! That night he introduced me as the future Mrs.. The next day was Halloween & he surprised me with a trip to Disney Land. But before we made it there in our hotel i come out of the bathrm to find a shivering guy down on one knee with a ring in his hand! Well of course i said YES, i mean we hadnt gone to Disney yet had i said no i would have never met mickey! just kidding ;) I said Yes and meant it with all my heart. Fast forward 7 weeks later and we were married !!! I felt like a princess & gosh was he handsome in his dress blues, it was a magical day ill never forget.

ill continue how we came to be, more later i should have known i couldnt make this short ;)

testing, evaluations, & meetings oh my!

All in one day my 18 month old was being evaluated by first steps (our states early intervention program), & i had a meeting at my daughters school to review some recent tests & evaluations that had been done by her teachers and the school psychologist. To sum it all up, Griffin is severely delayed in language, and will begin speech therapy very soon! Im certain with in months he'll be yapping all our ears off. He also didnt score very well cognitively which was hard to hear but the evaluator thinks that was due to his inability to really focus his attention. And for Rylee she is apparently like one of the smartest kindergardeners ever haha! Her scores are off the charts usually a couple grade levels above ! She was observed for several days by two different school psychologist & with input from me & her teachers they have come to the conclusion that her diagnoses of Asperger's is correct. Its nice to have validation , to know others see what we do & that im not some crazy mom who makes crap up! But it is also hard knowing ur baby truely does have some special needs & will continuously need help in certain areas. They went on to say, even though she may not socialize as much as the other children , they all love her to death & jump in quickly to help her when she is upset or fustrated! That melts a mothers heart to know other little ones really do care about the well being of their peers. Good job other parents for raising such great kiddos :)

fuzzy earmuffs

anytime i wash my hair Rylee asks "where we going". smart girl she knows mamas not getting clean and decent just to play in the house ;). So i told her we'd be dropping Griffy off @ Nana's and then we were meeting Daddy at a new place. I paused i didnt know what to tell her . I started back up with "this place is going to help you". she says "oh are they gonna make my canker sores go away". ( due to all her anxiety & stress she has constent canker sores) She asked if they were a Dr. and i told her not exactly they were called an Occuptional Therapist, and we were going there so they could help her be less fearful of certain sounds. Ry says "yea the sounds scare me, maybe they can give me fuzzy earmuffs that could help"

bless my babies heart, i know this wont cure her , but i hope soon she can go into the back yard again & play like a 5 yr old should!

If anyone is more curious about SPD (sensory processing disorder) check out this site

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/SPD-symptom-checklist-for-infants-and-toddlers.html

pessimistic at heart

ive always been told to give people a chance but i merely need an hr or two with someone and i can tell if things are going to go well or not..

Today was our first meeting with a new child psychologist. i keep saying new because we used to see one a few yrs ago. Ok anywho, this is a super awesome facility in a great part of town so my hopes were high. First off she was way too soft spoken for me , i know that sounds stupid but i need someone lively and full of gusto to help me with my kiddo, she seemed sheepish.. I brought a video clip of rylee screaming in terror as griffin crawled closer. and she asked "If there was anyway she could be playing me" .. Oh man i kept my cool but i let her know she offended me and that Rylee doesnt have the know of to play someone, to pull a trick or to even be mean on purpose! She continued to apologize throughout the session and the more we told her she seemed to be getting a bit more closer to "getting" it. i dunno im not hopeful.. Oh yea and while she watched the video clip she dropped my camera !! An accident of course but geeze.. Oh if anyone is nosey or just curious and would like to see this video clip , just ask. I dont mind sharing so people can get a climps into my world of havinga child with Aspergers Anxiety & Sensory Processing Disorder..

The diaper war!

We are 4 week out till Miss Rylee's 5th Birthday.. and sadly enough she is still in diapers :(, Ill admit i havent been a hardcore trainer, but thats only because her Dr.s have told me it wouldnt help. So Ive taken the relaxed approach about it, and weve made some progress, but its slow going. A child with Aspergers does not have the same strong desire to be a "big kid/fit in" as other children do. She is "just rylee" as she'll state,and its obvious she doent need to do things others think are socially acceptable to feel good about herself . Ive recently told her that they no longer let you go to Chuckecheese if u are wearing a diaper, she was very dissapointed to hear this news but has made no attempt to use the potty.. Everyone tells me oh just stick underwear on her and she'll hate feeling wet and that will work. Nope not Rylee , she has ruined two desk chairs so far because she is too preoccupied to be concerned with getting up and going to the bathrm! arghhh We have 6 months till Kindergarten starts, no doubt kids will know shes a little different, but i just dont want them to laugh at her or call her baby if she still has to be in pull ups :(

Middle of the night Streaking!

a common issue among children with an ASD (autism spectrum disorder) is sleep issues, trouble going to sleep & trouble staying asleep. Rylee battles both! She takes melatonin which is something the body should already naturally produce. This helps her fall asleep but definitely doesnt help her stay asleep. She frequently has parties in her rm around 1, 2, 3ish am !! Well this morning around 2 am, i heard her open her door, she has no clue how to do anything quietly! ha, anywho I waited a min expecting her to appear at my bedside, she never did so i knew a good mom would get out of bed and check on their child . At 2 am I really wanted to be a bad mom but I got up. I went to her rm, no Rylee in there, hmmm.. I head down the hall into the living rm all the while saying her name I get to the doorway of the playrm, and in the dark i see her on the floor NAKED and feverishly hunting for something. Well not completely naked, she had slippers on ;) I said "Rylee what are u doing" she responds" I cant find my princess", i say "Ry where are ur clothes, u should be in bed" she says "ohhhhhhhhh", ahh bless her poor confused heart. I walk her back to her rm and discover the very wet diaper on the floor (our other biggest battle shes not potty trained)..

5am

blah 5 am is just way to early!! but the baby boy woke me up, i some how managed to get him back to sleep but instead of returning to bed myself i got my booty on the exercise bike. I think i did 3 miles or so, the lights were out so i couldnt see the lcd screen. then both kiddos were up and i had to get the day going , once everyone was fed i fired up the wii and started the ea active fitness. my daughter joined me, bless her heart she really tried to do those lunges! i didnt make it all the way through my 20 min workout, im not feeling like a failure though because i know ill get there. after a min or so rest from that i did some work on my arms, i have 3, 5, and 8 pound weights. i felt it was safest to start out with the 3s ! this may not sound like much to some, but i know its a great start to getting these 30 something pounds off. may have find the strength over the next 6 months to keep it up!!!

obsessed much..

yes ! haha my new current obsession my baby boys feet!! i cant stop touching them, kissing them every chance i get. is any other mom out there so footsie crazy ??!! it makes me sad that in a few short years those feet will be big and smelly and it would look weird for me to kiss all over them ha.

Top 5..

Annoyances :

1. when the young girls who work at the tanning bed call me sweetie

2. people who never say excuse me when they clearly get in ur way

3. drivers who seem to forget if they want to go slower they should be in the right hand lane

4. little girls in mini skirts with designer purses

5.crap im too tired to remember my 5th ! haha

what happend??

I used to have confidence , I used to feel pretty, i used to feel sexy . Now I can barely stand the sight of my self in the mirror. I am 40 pounds heavier then what i was when my husband and i met & married. How in the world can he still be attracted to me!?! He swears he is and thats great but can i help it if i wish other men found me attractive too. I have a closet full of clothes that i cant wear, i currently have one pair of jeans and maybe 4 tops i can wear. I feel like a slob. Everyday i wake up and think ok today is the day for change. but no i eat what i want, and i never seem to find the energy for working out. I whine, and moan, and sulk about my body every sec. of every day yet i cant seem to figure out how to make the change. What is it going to take??

dont go..

Having Daddy work so much lately has been hard on all of us, we are a close family and truly enjoy and value our time together. This morning when Rylee realized daddy needed to leave for work, this is what happend...

He finally had to say u know all those toys u like well daddy cant buy them if he doesnt go to work, and she let go of his leg ;)

Pet of the day

My Rylee girl is often a different animal every day spending the day sounding like said animal, acting out like the animal would, my fav. is when shes a squirrel she has the cutest squirrel noise. But often she is a cat. In the car when listening to her fav. songs such as music from Plain White T's and All time Low(yea shes got good taste) she sings along like a cat. She knows the words she just chooses to meow like a cat. We enjoy her quirkiness as the rest of the world seems so boring after knowing miss Ry :)

Tonight Chris my husband & I sat down to watch The Middle, they have a son who lets just say he's" different", and he spends the night with another "different" kid.. We nearly spit out our drinks when we heard the boy meow! Thats are Rylee we said!

my mom stopped by today so i could have a free moment to do some cleaning (im a bit of a neat freak & really dont like a dirty home) anywho, she brought with her a heart shaped vday balloon for Rylee. And for anyone who doesnt know Rylee is my almost 5 yr old daughter who has Aspergers Syndrome, Anxiety disorder, SPD, & hyperlexia, oh and shes not potty trained, ok now ur caught up on her, any questions just ask. :) Ok back to the balloon, i heard her talking to it in my bedrm, i walk in to find her in bed with the balloon. It was even covered partially, & she informed me she had named him Handsome :)

Brand new..

I am so green at this, forgive me if i suck! I started this blog, in hopes to hmm, im not really sure what i hope to do with this blog, but maybe people will enjoy my ramblings :) Ive been a homemaker for the last 6 yrs, and have formed many opinions about many things so maybe this will be a place i can share those.